The friendzone

I'm sure a lot of guys (gals too) are familiar with this phrase. The friendzone, that lovely little area in life where most all good people searching for meaningful relationships wind up. It is the place that when places there, you are no longer an option as far as relationships go (other than friends). You are not even eligible for benefits in the position, you are just a friend and probably a damn good one too.

It is no secret anymore that the norm for society is that the nice people finish last. For the purposes of this post, I'll refer to guys. Think about how many times you have been denied the love of someone you really love. Think of how many times you have told her your feelings, only to have her say she is not good enough for you, or you can find someone better or, my personal favorite: "I just don't see you that way." There are of course others, the infamous speech of how she is not ready to commit to a relationship, then dates someone literally days later. All good ones, but they all lead you to the same place: The Friendzone.

An area where even when you try to do the greatest, in feminine terms "sweetest" thing for a lady friend, they enjoy it and then talk about what a great guy you are and how she'd like to find a boyfriend just like you. That's another good one: "I hope I can find a boyfriend just like you!" instead of: "Wow, is this really happening?"

Ladies, when we do something like listen to you on the phone for hours at a time, normally complaining about something, its because we care about you. When we find out something awful happened and we take time out of our days to come over and talk to you, its because we care about you. When we show up with flowers,  its not because we just felt the need to spend money, its because we care about you and more than likely, are trying to convey a message to you. That message is, we're interested.

But instead, the usual response is: "Oh, you are so sweet! Thank you! You're the best friend ever." And while we'll smile and nod, and say no problem, on the inside, you just crushed us. But we'll put a good face on, just because we care about you and its not in our blood to get mad and berate or insult you like some asshats are prone too. We have class about us and know that treating a woman like dirt is wrong in any form. Respect, courtesy, and kindness - are they really that alien?

One counterargument I get is that if women tried to date their good guy friends, they run the risk of messing the friendship up. While this is plausible, it is simply a cop-out. You already know you can trust this guy, and have turned to him for everything except what comes with a relationship, that argument is invalid and irrelevant, its trite and overused. More than likely, you all are best friends because you share some form of common interests, probably trust each other a lot, and know enough about them to see that they will not change.
By not dating the good guy friends, you run the risk of losing them entirely.

I know this doesn't happen on just our side of the equation, but I have seen it more with guys being put into that dreaded zone than gals. And when us guys go there, we do it because we are hoping that eventually you will see, the reason we got involved with you in the first place is because we were interested in you. It doesn't have to be about sex, and rarely, it is. The good guys want a meaningful, deep connected relationship as much as women do, whether they will admit it or not.

So ladies, next time you complain to your good guy friend about the asshole you're dating, just remember that the answer to all your problems may be sitting right in front of you. And whenever you ask where all the good guy are...

They're in the friendzone, right where you left them.