Living a bitter existence

We all have our moments of doubt and pain in life, and usually we find a way to push through it and move on. But what if it feels like your entire existence is nothing but a life of bitterness and jaded thought?

I live such a life and for pretty good reason all things considering. I don't blame others for my downfalls, nor my current situation, nor anything that has happened over the 26 years of my life. I am the type of person that everyone doesn't like to be around, the negative thinking, bitter individual that only looks at what can go wrong and why.

Many people call this outlook pessimism. I call it realism. Life is brutal, unfair and fate along with karma completely undue whatever myriad of good works and feelings you have on a daily basis. I blame no one but myself for all of this, but I also have to look at what put me in the situation. Lack of faith? No. I had plenty of it for years before I gave it up. Everyone says that if I think positive, it will be positive. I hate to say this, but I have tried that as well and it never works.
I consider myself a jinx with a jaded life. Every time I do or receive something positive, they never snowball for more positive to help me get myself in a good mindset. That positive I receive is often given at a heavy cost, or is immediately followed by a strong, usually equal or greater, negative. Anything from being able to get healthy, only to injure something - to filing bankruptcy as I currently am, and finding out I may smacked with a presumption of fraud due to the new laws enacted back in 2005 concerning the bankruptcy code.

I'm not sure why I even try anymore. Perhaps for my friends and family? But anymore, that's all I have. People say that's all you need, and that may be true. But let's face it, living a jaded life where you expect nothing to go right (rarely does anyhow), everything to go wrong, and never being able to appreciate any positives because they are immediately followed with stress, is just how I am.
I tried changing it, but I can't. I cannot change who I am because it is who I choose to be.

This is yet another reason why I write. An escape where I can give my characters a positive that is not followed by a negative. A life where they are not always thinking of the worst.

A life...where true happiness can be attained.