Me: "I'm not going because there are people that don't like me, and I don't like them. To mingle with them in this place is bad enough, but on my time? Not happening."
Coworker: "Yeah, you're right. There are a lot of people who don't like you."
Me: "And I don't like them. Infact, if they, or someone in their family, died tomorrow - know how many cares I'd give? Answer: zero. I would careless."
Coworker: <looks at me with a blank stare, then laughs> "No wonder people hate you."
Me: "Its a mutual feeling. I'm sure most of these same people could careless if I, or anyone in my family, died. So, meh."
Later this day, I was asked by a few other people as to why people hate me. Its pretty simple, I say the things that no one else has the guts or will to say when the situation warrants it. Anyone who knows me will echo this sentiment when I say that I am not one to conform to the norm and I am one of those people who, while everyone is caught up in the wave of what you are "supposed to do" in certain situations, will swim against that wave. The norm dictates that when a woman is pregnant with a child, we're supposed to cheer and be happy.
Not me.
No, I am the one who look at someone, sweep a hand around, and ask how anyone could bring a child into this world, as messed up as it is. That being said, I have no say in how many kids people want to spit out, nor would I want to. I am not a kid person, I have two nieces - I love them to death, but that is the extent of my child personality-loving self. Just as I have no say in how someone raises their child, even though I can look at some instances of such and realize that the child will grow up to be nothing more than another blight on society someday. In other instances, I can look at a child and see them growing into responsible adults that will do their families and the world proud.
Mothers who are quick to pull out divorce papers and rip kids away from their fathers at the slightest motion that they were inflicted a grave injustice. Fathers who would abandon their families out of fear, hatred, or whatever other emotion. It is the situations that make our world messed up. I have seen it far too often, and I know of one personally who probably had a lawyer ready to go with divorce papers the day she signed her name to the marriage certificate to a man I used to call a friend. I can only sit back and wait to see if my prediction comes true.
Moving forward, I was accused of being a miserable person about a week ago. While this may or may not be true, I am not a miserable person at all. Its just when it all comes down to it, I - along with my family and friends that have stuck me with through it all, are all that matter to me. I am not here to impress anyone, nor am I here to please anyone. The people who cause me trouble at not worth it in the end, as many have found over the last year. The friends I have now, the family that still accept me as me, are the only ones who are the people I care about.
I'm not miserable, I just don't care about the majority of things that worry the majority of people. And I also find it as an injustice when people take advantage of others.
Especially when those others are people I actually give a damn about.
Onto the second part of this entry involves the revisions history on the book - which are progressing at a slow, but steady pace. First feedback I received was resoundingly positive, story-telling being said as being smooth and transitional. Travi and Alana Gladius took the center spotlight as favorite characters for their depth and connection - something I was moving toward for the pair. I am glad to see that seeing as how Alana's character was put together without much foresight, she came out to be a wonderful character that has a whole other side of the story to be told if she so wishes.
Just the thing I was worried about, and it was absolved. Her character has become very important to the story, despite her hiding in the shadows until about mid-way through. With her emergence, the story gains another side of it, and it becomes much more complex, but also adds another layer of intrigue. Her personality compliments her partner in Zack, and her vulnerable side is shown on a couple occasions for the readers to delve into - underneath her witty, flirty personality hides a woman who is pained just as much as her brother for the atrocities she suffered at the hands of her adversary. As it comes full circle, she emerges as the same strong, confident person as her brother - but her wit and flirt are now more natural instead of ways of hiding her pain.
Alana, like her brother Travi:
Swift as the coursing river,
with all the force of a great typhoon,
with all the strength of a raging fire,
mysterious as the dark side of the moon. - "I'll make a man out of you." - Mulan
It's fitting, if you think about it.
Adieu.
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