"Project Alpha" is a culmination of many years of work, twelve in total, that has seen many revisions, changes, additions, subtractions, and many people in my life that has come and gone during that time period for any measure of reason.
The book itself can be purchased here, through the CreateSpace E-Store. Or here, through Amazon.com. As a labor that has caused me a lot of headache over the years, it would be greatly appreciated if people gave it a look and pass the word on. My creativity will continue to go in different directions as life goes on. It may lead to prequels, sequels, or even spinoffs - who's to say at this point. I sincerely hope that it gives people as much joy reading it as I did writing it, and it is something that people will talk about in the future.
This post however focuses on the things that have come and gone during this twelve year period. While it seems like only yesterday, while sitting in my highschool freshmen English class, that I put the pen to paper on this - in reality, I am twelve years older, and probably forty years wiser. I have also borne witness to several positives, and many negatives along the way. There have those of you that have stuck with me through thick and thin of it all. That number can be counted on one hand, and is a sad reality of the day and age we live in.
During this time period, I have also borne witness to many of life's mysterious, and many of its atrocities. Ranging from betrayal to chauvinist, from insecure to user. Betrayal of the trust I held in many people, dealing with the chauvinists who see women as property that is owned, seeing the insecure turn themselves into users to make themselves look better in society's views - all traits of the human emotional spectrum that we will never understand.
Betrayers of trust on the grand scale is everything when it comes to friendship, and can end a long standing friendship in the blink of an eye. Betrayal doesn't have one specific face it takes, it can assume many different forms. The loss of friendship cannot always be attributed to any one thing either, as in the case earlier this year. A simple fact of walking away due to the fact that one can sense the friendship falling apart, and not wanting to deal with it all anymore.
Chauvinists are, in my opinion, some of the lowest forms of scum on the face of the planet. Women are human beings, not property that can be owned. Even if biblical times, or even the centuries leading up to our present one, society has evolved and we, as a race, must go with it. Women have come a long way to be in their present course of life. They are meant to be loved, to be cherished. Not to be treated like they have a collar on their necks.
The users, the bottomfeeders of society, are the worst. The ones who take advantage of the ones around them to better themselves, defending their actions as it being a "dog eat dog" world, and "only the strong survive". While that may be true in some facets of life, in the end - our race can only survive by working together to ensure its survival. This will never happen, but the users are the worst among worst in terms of society's totem pole. If such a place exists, those types of people are the ones who rot in the seventh ring of hell.
But in the end, it comes down to the insecurities of humanity. An insecure individual is one bad move from turning into any of these. From the people who decide that betraying your trust is worth whatever gain they may accrue, to the boy who decides that women are nothing more than his property, to the person who uses those around them, sucking the life out of them, and leaving them all to die in their wake.
In the twelves years since "Project Alpha" was authored, I have learned quite a bit about life and all of its mysteries.
And its atrocities.
Adeiu.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Officially a published author
Its taken twelve years for me to get to this point, but everyone knew it would get here eventually. Everyone except me of course.
Project Alpha will officially be for sale via Amazon.com and the Createspace E-store by Wednesday, September 10th, which is where the link will take you. I will have to check the status of the Amazon listing, but will update accordingly. The reason for the additional wait is due to my awaiting my hardcopy proof for the final version that I am satisfied with. Though there may still be issues with it, to me - there isn't much else I can do to make it any better. I'm not expecting much from something that will only sell a handful of copies anyhow.
Against all odds though, I am officially a published author - and this twelve year headache can finally end. While I may or may not be done writing, for now - I'll just sit back and focus on other things. The help I need from everyone now is to help me spread the word around. Word of mouth is perhaps the best marketing tool there is - so if you enjoy the work, please consider passing the word along to other folks who may be interested. Constructive feedback is always appreciated, and am always looking for suggestions on how to improve. Just remember that I have a Kentucky education, hah.
The credit list for this thing is WAY too long to mention everyone, so I just send a general thank you to everyone that has supported me with this, kept me going when I was done with it, kept pushing me forward etc. etc. Blah blah, all that good stuff. You all are the reason I wrote this, lol
But mainly, thanks to my friend Bill Brock - who is not able to see this moment. Bill played a pivotal role in getting this book going for me, even suggesting a character based on himself to play alongside the main character. That character flourished well in the storyline, and I did my best to play him true to how the real Bill was. Thanks buddy, I'll find a way to make sure you can see the dedication to yourself.
Not much of a post, but hey - its the word that counts. As ideas creep up, I will update with them as I go. The blog itself may turn into more of a philosophical discussion that no one reads anyhow, so hey! Brain dump for the win.
Adieu.
Project Alpha will officially be for sale via Amazon.com and the Createspace E-store by Wednesday, September 10th, which is where the link will take you. I will have to check the status of the Amazon listing, but will update accordingly. The reason for the additional wait is due to my awaiting my hardcopy proof for the final version that I am satisfied with. Though there may still be issues with it, to me - there isn't much else I can do to make it any better. I'm not expecting much from something that will only sell a handful of copies anyhow.
Against all odds though, I am officially a published author - and this twelve year headache can finally end. While I may or may not be done writing, for now - I'll just sit back and focus on other things. The help I need from everyone now is to help me spread the word around. Word of mouth is perhaps the best marketing tool there is - so if you enjoy the work, please consider passing the word along to other folks who may be interested. Constructive feedback is always appreciated, and am always looking for suggestions on how to improve. Just remember that I have a Kentucky education, hah.
The credit list for this thing is WAY too long to mention everyone, so I just send a general thank you to everyone that has supported me with this, kept me going when I was done with it, kept pushing me forward etc. etc. Blah blah, all that good stuff. You all are the reason I wrote this, lol
But mainly, thanks to my friend Bill Brock - who is not able to see this moment. Bill played a pivotal role in getting this book going for me, even suggesting a character based on himself to play alongside the main character. That character flourished well in the storyline, and I did my best to play him true to how the real Bill was. Thanks buddy, I'll find a way to make sure you can see the dedication to yourself.
Not much of a post, but hey - its the word that counts. As ideas creep up, I will update with them as I go. The blog itself may turn into more of a philosophical discussion that no one reads anyhow, so hey! Brain dump for the win.
Adieu.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
A running fight
The first sets of feedback from my potential readers has been resoundingly positive thus far. One has told me she had trouble putting it down, and had to tell her husband to shut up a few times while she was reading. Whether that is a good thing or not, I'll never know. (Looking at you K.Hannah, lol)
A second has told me that the little she has read so far has been interesting and she likes my style of writing, another good notch.
A third has been sent the copy for reading and will be over the course of the next few days. She has read some of my other work and seems pretty excited about it. The wonderful thing about all of it is that these three are hardly my target audience, but one quip I tried to play into the book is to encompass many different interests by including many different genres and thoughts to attract a larger base of readers. Incorporating things like suspense, thriller, some drama, some romance - all of it can be used to lure in potential readers that may enjoy other aspects of the writing as well as the parts in which they seem to favor.
The two favored characters from the first "critic", was cited as being the main character and his sister. I find this rather odd in one aspect, as I was hoping the main character would be someone people could or would relate to, but to see that his sister, a character only added in during this writing with no real pre-thought (although there are several entries concerning her on the blog, they can be found here, here, here, there, over there, and finally behind you.
From all of that, came Alana Gladius and she is NOTHING like what I had envisioned her as - which is a good thing. Some of those ideas on those posts were so out in left field, I would be sitting in nosebleed. Where she wound up, as the elder sister of the Gladius trio, adds an extra dimension to the story and lets their show a new angle on the struggle behind it all. Even if her character is only introduced halfway through the book, to know that she made such an impact in such little time - I call that mission accomplished.
Many of the newer characters also came about in their own way after replacing some of the other, lesser knowns from the second draft. Those characters wound up as nothing more than filler upon a review. These newer ones actually had some life and background to them - adding yet another dimension of the struggles of a strong group doing their best to live through the story as expectations pile upon them. Given these revelations, all in all - it has turned into a successful venture. Time will tell how this ends, but publishing is the next logical step - and that is the step I will be making,
A second has told me that the little she has read so far has been interesting and she likes my style of writing, another good notch.
A third has been sent the copy for reading and will be over the course of the next few days. She has read some of my other work and seems pretty excited about it. The wonderful thing about all of it is that these three are hardly my target audience, but one quip I tried to play into the book is to encompass many different interests by including many different genres and thoughts to attract a larger base of readers. Incorporating things like suspense, thriller, some drama, some romance - all of it can be used to lure in potential readers that may enjoy other aspects of the writing as well as the parts in which they seem to favor.
The two favored characters from the first "critic", was cited as being the main character and his sister. I find this rather odd in one aspect, as I was hoping the main character would be someone people could or would relate to, but to see that his sister, a character only added in during this writing with no real pre-thought (although there are several entries concerning her on the blog, they can be found here, here, here, there, over there, and finally behind you.
From all of that, came Alana Gladius and she is NOTHING like what I had envisioned her as - which is a good thing. Some of those ideas on those posts were so out in left field, I would be sitting in nosebleed. Where she wound up, as the elder sister of the Gladius trio, adds an extra dimension to the story and lets their show a new angle on the struggle behind it all. Even if her character is only introduced halfway through the book, to know that she made such an impact in such little time - I call that mission accomplished.
Many of the newer characters also came about in their own way after replacing some of the other, lesser knowns from the second draft. Those characters wound up as nothing more than filler upon a review. These newer ones actually had some life and background to them - adding yet another dimension of the struggles of a strong group doing their best to live through the story as expectations pile upon them. Given these revelations, all in all - it has turned into a successful venture. Time will tell how this ends, but publishing is the next logical step - and that is the step I will be making,
Friday, August 8, 2014
Examining the post effects of words and update on revisions.
A conversation between a coworker and I brought this forward today, discussing why I am not attending my company's employee outing.
Me: "I'm not going because there are people that don't like me, and I don't like them. To mingle with them in this place is bad enough, but on my time? Not happening."
Coworker: "Yeah, you're right. There are a lot of people who don't like you."
Me: "And I don't like them. Infact, if they, or someone in their family, died tomorrow - know how many cares I'd give? Answer: zero. I would careless."
Coworker: <looks at me with a blank stare, then laughs> "No wonder people hate you."
Me: "Its a mutual feeling. I'm sure most of these same people could careless if I, or anyone in my family, died. So, meh."
Later this day, I was asked by a few other people as to why people hate me. Its pretty simple, I say the things that no one else has the guts or will to say when the situation warrants it. Anyone who knows me will echo this sentiment when I say that I am not one to conform to the norm and I am one of those people who, while everyone is caught up in the wave of what you are "supposed to do" in certain situations, will swim against that wave. The norm dictates that when a woman is pregnant with a child, we're supposed to cheer and be happy.
Not me.
No, I am the one who look at someone, sweep a hand around, and ask how anyone could bring a child into this world, as messed up as it is. That being said, I have no say in how many kids people want to spit out, nor would I want to. I am not a kid person, I have two nieces - I love them to death, but that is the extent of my child personality-loving self. Just as I have no say in how someone raises their child, even though I can look at some instances of such and realize that the child will grow up to be nothing more than another blight on society someday. In other instances, I can look at a child and see them growing into responsible adults that will do their families and the world proud.
Mothers who are quick to pull out divorce papers and rip kids away from their fathers at the slightest motion that they were inflicted a grave injustice. Fathers who would abandon their families out of fear, hatred, or whatever other emotion. It is the situations that make our world messed up. I have seen it far too often, and I know of one personally who probably had a lawyer ready to go with divorce papers the day she signed her name to the marriage certificate to a man I used to call a friend. I can only sit back and wait to see if my prediction comes true.
Moving forward, I was accused of being a miserable person about a week ago. While this may or may not be true, I am not a miserable person at all. Its just when it all comes down to it, I - along with my family and friends that have stuck me with through it all, are all that matter to me. I am not here to impress anyone, nor am I here to please anyone. The people who cause me trouble at not worth it in the end, as many have found over the last year. The friends I have now, the family that still accept me as me, are the only ones who are the people I care about.
I'm not miserable, I just don't care about the majority of things that worry the majority of people. And I also find it as an injustice when people take advantage of others.
Especially when those others are people I actually give a damn about.
Onto the second part of this entry involves the revisions history on the book - which are progressing at a slow, but steady pace. First feedback I received was resoundingly positive, story-telling being said as being smooth and transitional. Travi and Alana Gladius took the center spotlight as favorite characters for their depth and connection - something I was moving toward for the pair. I am glad to see that seeing as how Alana's character was put together without much foresight, she came out to be a wonderful character that has a whole other side of the story to be told if she so wishes.
Just the thing I was worried about, and it was absolved. Her character has become very important to the story, despite her hiding in the shadows until about mid-way through. With her emergence, the story gains another side of it, and it becomes much more complex, but also adds another layer of intrigue. Her personality compliments her partner in Zack, and her vulnerable side is shown on a couple occasions for the readers to delve into - underneath her witty, flirty personality hides a woman who is pained just as much as her brother for the atrocities she suffered at the hands of her adversary. As it comes full circle, she emerges as the same strong, confident person as her brother - but her wit and flirt are now more natural instead of ways of hiding her pain.
Alana, like her brother Travi:
Swift as the coursing river,
with all the force of a great typhoon,
with all the strength of a raging fire,
mysterious as the dark side of the moon. - "I'll make a man out of you." - Mulan
It's fitting, if you think about it.
Adieu.
Me: "I'm not going because there are people that don't like me, and I don't like them. To mingle with them in this place is bad enough, but on my time? Not happening."
Coworker: "Yeah, you're right. There are a lot of people who don't like you."
Me: "And I don't like them. Infact, if they, or someone in their family, died tomorrow - know how many cares I'd give? Answer: zero. I would careless."
Coworker: <looks at me with a blank stare, then laughs> "No wonder people hate you."
Me: "Its a mutual feeling. I'm sure most of these same people could careless if I, or anyone in my family, died. So, meh."
Later this day, I was asked by a few other people as to why people hate me. Its pretty simple, I say the things that no one else has the guts or will to say when the situation warrants it. Anyone who knows me will echo this sentiment when I say that I am not one to conform to the norm and I am one of those people who, while everyone is caught up in the wave of what you are "supposed to do" in certain situations, will swim against that wave. The norm dictates that when a woman is pregnant with a child, we're supposed to cheer and be happy.
Not me.
No, I am the one who look at someone, sweep a hand around, and ask how anyone could bring a child into this world, as messed up as it is. That being said, I have no say in how many kids people want to spit out, nor would I want to. I am not a kid person, I have two nieces - I love them to death, but that is the extent of my child personality-loving self. Just as I have no say in how someone raises their child, even though I can look at some instances of such and realize that the child will grow up to be nothing more than another blight on society someday. In other instances, I can look at a child and see them growing into responsible adults that will do their families and the world proud.
Mothers who are quick to pull out divorce papers and rip kids away from their fathers at the slightest motion that they were inflicted a grave injustice. Fathers who would abandon their families out of fear, hatred, or whatever other emotion. It is the situations that make our world messed up. I have seen it far too often, and I know of one personally who probably had a lawyer ready to go with divorce papers the day she signed her name to the marriage certificate to a man I used to call a friend. I can only sit back and wait to see if my prediction comes true.
Moving forward, I was accused of being a miserable person about a week ago. While this may or may not be true, I am not a miserable person at all. Its just when it all comes down to it, I - along with my family and friends that have stuck me with through it all, are all that matter to me. I am not here to impress anyone, nor am I here to please anyone. The people who cause me trouble at not worth it in the end, as many have found over the last year. The friends I have now, the family that still accept me as me, are the only ones who are the people I care about.
I'm not miserable, I just don't care about the majority of things that worry the majority of people. And I also find it as an injustice when people take advantage of others.
Especially when those others are people I actually give a damn about.
Onto the second part of this entry involves the revisions history on the book - which are progressing at a slow, but steady pace. First feedback I received was resoundingly positive, story-telling being said as being smooth and transitional. Travi and Alana Gladius took the center spotlight as favorite characters for their depth and connection - something I was moving toward for the pair. I am glad to see that seeing as how Alana's character was put together without much foresight, she came out to be a wonderful character that has a whole other side of the story to be told if she so wishes.
Just the thing I was worried about, and it was absolved. Her character has become very important to the story, despite her hiding in the shadows until about mid-way through. With her emergence, the story gains another side of it, and it becomes much more complex, but also adds another layer of intrigue. Her personality compliments her partner in Zack, and her vulnerable side is shown on a couple occasions for the readers to delve into - underneath her witty, flirty personality hides a woman who is pained just as much as her brother for the atrocities she suffered at the hands of her adversary. As it comes full circle, she emerges as the same strong, confident person as her brother - but her wit and flirt are now more natural instead of ways of hiding her pain.
Alana, like her brother Travi:
Swift as the coursing river,
with all the force of a great typhoon,
with all the strength of a raging fire,
mysterious as the dark side of the moon. - "I'll make a man out of you." - Mulan
It's fitting, if you think about it.
Adieu.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Is it possible to go in the wrong direction when you are certain you are right?
I'm thinking of doing a weekly installment of this thing, so that I will remember to keep it updated. Since the book is now complete and revisions are underway, I can focus on other things now. Dealing with life in general has left me a little winded lately, and a few of the traits in humanity that completely irk me have left me confounded how such folks are even given the chance to right themselves.
There are several things in this life that piss me off, among them is the fact that people will take advantage of others. Some indirectly, some directly. Either way, whenever it happens - you try to tell the person what they are doing is wrong, correct? But what if you have that one that will not listen for whatever reason? Be it ego, drilled in their ways, or just simply convinced that they are not, no matter how much the evidence piles against them? Either way, we know that as humans, manipulating and taking advantage of others downfalls is evil and wrong. These types of people are the ones who, when you try to convince them of their error, will tell you that they are not doing such things and will scoff when you confront them about it.
Is it then, when you realize just how much humanity is doomed?
Add in that these same folks will then try to justify their positions with nothing more than false statements and their convictions that they are right, and you have a situation where people are just hopelessly lost in their own ways, and there is no way to stop any of it. These are the same people who will come into your home and take over the place like its theirs - establishing rules that the household will follow because they said so. You know this is wrong, and most normal humans will stand up and tell said person to get out, and only to come back when they realize their error.
Is it then, when you realize just how much humanity is doomed?
These people have no respect for you, but demand it at all times from everyone around them.
They will take over functions that are not theirs.
They will claim that everything they can do cannot be done any better.
They will claim the victim everytime something is turned on them.
They will say that they are never in the wrong for anything, and accuse you of being the one who is in the wrong?
Even if you are right and everyone around you, except them, knows it.
Adieu.
There are several things in this life that piss me off, among them is the fact that people will take advantage of others. Some indirectly, some directly. Either way, whenever it happens - you try to tell the person what they are doing is wrong, correct? But what if you have that one that will not listen for whatever reason? Be it ego, drilled in their ways, or just simply convinced that they are not, no matter how much the evidence piles against them? Either way, we know that as humans, manipulating and taking advantage of others downfalls is evil and wrong. These types of people are the ones who, when you try to convince them of their error, will tell you that they are not doing such things and will scoff when you confront them about it.
Is it then, when you realize just how much humanity is doomed?
Add in that these same folks will then try to justify their positions with nothing more than false statements and their convictions that they are right, and you have a situation where people are just hopelessly lost in their own ways, and there is no way to stop any of it. These are the same people who will come into your home and take over the place like its theirs - establishing rules that the household will follow because they said so. You know this is wrong, and most normal humans will stand up and tell said person to get out, and only to come back when they realize their error.
Is it then, when you realize just how much humanity is doomed?
These people have no respect for you, but demand it at all times from everyone around them.
They will take over functions that are not theirs.
They will claim that everything they can do cannot be done any better.
They will claim the victim everytime something is turned on them.
They will say that they are never in the wrong for anything, and accuse you of being the one who is in the wrong?
Even if you are right and everyone around you, except them, knows it.
Adieu.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Of red ink, red roses, and red blood.
11:35am on a Thursday afternoon, yet another two months after I last updated this thing. Once more, I question why I keep it.
Probably due to the fact that I have (finally) finished my 3rd draft. *crickets chirping* That's if anyone was keeping score at this point, which I doubt is many. I can say with all honesty though that this draft is the one I plan to keep, I like how it evolved, how the characters (old and new) came together, and the new plot twists really helped make it into a solid story.
The hard part now is sorting through the red ink while I make changes, revisions, edits, and fixing small things. A complete read-through and edit will be done in the next couple weeks and while it is sorely needed, I doubt a final draft will be wrote. I should be able to make the necessary changes, fix the errors, review and revise some areas that may need it, but overall - the structure is firm, and it looks as though all of it will come together rather well. I had contemplated some changes in the makeup of a few characters, but decided not to. They all serve a really good purpose in the book, and all of them show signs that the story may not be over. That being said, don't expect a sequel or anything tied into this anytime soon. I have no source material, and this project has taken twelve years to deliver on. What would I do with such time? Heck if I know. However, revisions will be made and edits will be done. E-book publishing seems to be the way I'll go, it appears rather inexpensive, but is a bit complex in that I am required to do all the work. However, if it all works out correctly, it will be on the likes of Amazon very soon.
Next steps obviously are always up in the air as one day to the next can be a complete. My little fanfic I wrote in the MxO universe will be examined again soon, revisions to it will probably be made and a rewrite as a little side project. Other than that, it's grim on the creative side - my gaming addictions probably don't help that.
When it comes to red roses and red blood though, you can only think about how things fluctuate on a daily basis. Roses in the good times that fall with life, blood comes when the bad hits. A lot of bad blood can be traced to differing opinions and conclusions being drawn on the wrong information and evidence. Then you have the bad blood that just develops with no real explanation. Both of these have been prominent in my life, in more ways than I care to count. It is truly an amazing thing that we, as humans, have not wiped each other out yet. The rate of birth still outweighs the rate of death in on this planet, but I would imagine if the radical ends of every spectrum do not moderate soon, those statistics may change. It is a sad thing to see, the opinions of those who feel they are right and everyone else is wrong. Sad people.
One of these days, I'll get back to regular updates about life in general along with new updates on happenings with the book. Till then, adieu.
Probably due to the fact that I have (finally) finished my 3rd draft. *crickets chirping* That's if anyone was keeping score at this point, which I doubt is many. I can say with all honesty though that this draft is the one I plan to keep, I like how it evolved, how the characters (old and new) came together, and the new plot twists really helped make it into a solid story.
The hard part now is sorting through the red ink while I make changes, revisions, edits, and fixing small things. A complete read-through and edit will be done in the next couple weeks and while it is sorely needed, I doubt a final draft will be wrote. I should be able to make the necessary changes, fix the errors, review and revise some areas that may need it, but overall - the structure is firm, and it looks as though all of it will come together rather well. I had contemplated some changes in the makeup of a few characters, but decided not to. They all serve a really good purpose in the book, and all of them show signs that the story may not be over. That being said, don't expect a sequel or anything tied into this anytime soon. I have no source material, and this project has taken twelve years to deliver on. What would I do with such time? Heck if I know. However, revisions will be made and edits will be done. E-book publishing seems to be the way I'll go, it appears rather inexpensive, but is a bit complex in that I am required to do all the work. However, if it all works out correctly, it will be on the likes of Amazon very soon.
Next steps obviously are always up in the air as one day to the next can be a complete. My little fanfic I wrote in the MxO universe will be examined again soon, revisions to it will probably be made and a rewrite as a little side project. Other than that, it's grim on the creative side - my gaming addictions probably don't help that.
When it comes to red roses and red blood though, you can only think about how things fluctuate on a daily basis. Roses in the good times that fall with life, blood comes when the bad hits. A lot of bad blood can be traced to differing opinions and conclusions being drawn on the wrong information and evidence. Then you have the bad blood that just develops with no real explanation. Both of these have been prominent in my life, in more ways than I care to count. It is truly an amazing thing that we, as humans, have not wiped each other out yet. The rate of birth still outweighs the rate of death in on this planet, but I would imagine if the radical ends of every spectrum do not moderate soon, those statistics may change. It is a sad thing to see, the opinions of those who feel they are right and everyone else is wrong. Sad people.
One of these days, I'll get back to regular updates about life in general along with new updates on happenings with the book. Till then, adieu.
Friday, May 23, 2014
I really should update more often
I wonder why I even try sometimes. The life of someone who spends his life in an perpetual state of bitterness, I make leaps occasionally to try and find that elusive silver lining that people speak of all the time.
Boy, what a mistake that is.
My last post spoke about how things work out in the tune of people predicting certain events as a result of conversations. I also take a look at how those things affect those around me, as well as myself. As was said before: "Fate is not without a sense of irony." It is fate that drives us, guides us, defines us, binds us. It can argued that along with fate, there is purpose, in that, we are all on the earth for a purpose unbeknownst to ourselves. I believe that this purpose is self-defined, and that you live the life however you feel you should. I choose the bitter one.
Over the last few years, I have said goodbye (in friendly and not-so-friendly terms) to a lot of people I once called friends. Many of these friendships were dissolved over petty differences, or for reasons I have yet, and probably never will, discover an answer to. Most recently, came from the likes of two individuals that were the topic of a post many moons ago that has long since been deleted because it was part of "The Debacle" as I am fond of calling that portion of my life. One of which became my friend due to our common interests, another that became my friend due to the other. Time being what it is, moved itself forward to the present day. A few arguments, shouting matches, and other misc. issues led to the point where I felt like the friendship was splintering. I was correct.
After breaking the ties and moving on, I decided to sweep out the people I deemed as too much poison in my life. To my credit, I got rid of many people who were nothing more than just acquaintances - then it came to these two. People I had trusted and cared about, a lot. Just to be sure, I took a deep moment to reflect upon the decision before nodding as the best one. I was given a scathing message as a result, and it was something along the lines of "die a horrible death and rot in hell". Convenient, since that is where I will probably end up, if such a place exists. Fair enough.
The one friend in this mess was hurt by the decision, but chose not to say anything - instead regulating it to the other, who had one time told me she was not his secretary. It is what it is. Another set of losses on the parts of all involved. A decision I made to send three souls into opposite directions. Not much can be done to fix it, and that is the way the river flows. Ever in motion.
While there are always two sides to the story, I chose to take the way that would lead to the least amount of issue. Calmly turning my back and walking away. I see now that the poison was alive and well, as that venom soon attacked me, with words that they were "expecting" that all to happen.
In my line of work, when you expect something, that means you had already thought about it. So, I should not be surprised that the fangs were lurched my direction. Either way, it is what it is. Like always, despite it all - I still wish them the best. For me to wish ill on anyone is suicide in itself. Karma has a bad habit of making it all come full circle.
I will get back to novel stuff on the next post, which has slowed almost to a halt with life and my new gaming addictions. Not even sure why I keep this thing anymore.
Boy, what a mistake that is.
My last post spoke about how things work out in the tune of people predicting certain events as a result of conversations. I also take a look at how those things affect those around me, as well as myself. As was said before: "Fate is not without a sense of irony." It is fate that drives us, guides us, defines us, binds us. It can argued that along with fate, there is purpose, in that, we are all on the earth for a purpose unbeknownst to ourselves. I believe that this purpose is self-defined, and that you live the life however you feel you should. I choose the bitter one.
Over the last few years, I have said goodbye (in friendly and not-so-friendly terms) to a lot of people I once called friends. Many of these friendships were dissolved over petty differences, or for reasons I have yet, and probably never will, discover an answer to. Most recently, came from the likes of two individuals that were the topic of a post many moons ago that has long since been deleted because it was part of "The Debacle" as I am fond of calling that portion of my life. One of which became my friend due to our common interests, another that became my friend due to the other. Time being what it is, moved itself forward to the present day. A few arguments, shouting matches, and other misc. issues led to the point where I felt like the friendship was splintering. I was correct.
After breaking the ties and moving on, I decided to sweep out the people I deemed as too much poison in my life. To my credit, I got rid of many people who were nothing more than just acquaintances - then it came to these two. People I had trusted and cared about, a lot. Just to be sure, I took a deep moment to reflect upon the decision before nodding as the best one. I was given a scathing message as a result, and it was something along the lines of "die a horrible death and rot in hell". Convenient, since that is where I will probably end up, if such a place exists. Fair enough.
The one friend in this mess was hurt by the decision, but chose not to say anything - instead regulating it to the other, who had one time told me she was not his secretary. It is what it is. Another set of losses on the parts of all involved. A decision I made to send three souls into opposite directions. Not much can be done to fix it, and that is the way the river flows. Ever in motion.
While there are always two sides to the story, I chose to take the way that would lead to the least amount of issue. Calmly turning my back and walking away. I see now that the poison was alive and well, as that venom soon attacked me, with words that they were "expecting" that all to happen.
In my line of work, when you expect something, that means you had already thought about it. So, I should not be surprised that the fangs were lurched my direction. Either way, it is what it is. Like always, despite it all - I still wish them the best. For me to wish ill on anyone is suicide in itself. Karma has a bad habit of making it all come full circle.
I will get back to novel stuff on the next post, which has slowed almost to a halt with life and my new gaming addictions. Not even sure why I keep this thing anymore.
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